Single men come in three basic forms: there are ones who watch things happens, then there are others who make things happen, and then there are those that wondered what happened. You’re probably familiar with that old saying, but I’m here to advise you that it’s 100% true.
Meeting women, dating them, and ultimately getting into a long-term relationship is within your control. Every single man has the power to do this. If men can understand the following seven reasons why men fail at finding healthy relationships and then take consistent action on correcting or changing them, then they increase their chances at success by at least ten fold.
1. Failing To Approach Women:
This is a hard pill to swallow for most men. How hard is it to walk up to a woman, just about anywhere, and simply say “Hi” or “Hi, my name is….”, or even “Hey, what’s up? I can’t believe those two girls were fighting outside…did you see it?” If you don’t approach women on a regular basis then you are not going to get better at it. Men tend to place way too much emotional investment in any single interaction. The reality is, if you approach a woman and she does not respond the way you want her to, it’s no big deal because there are thousands of other women you can approach within ten city blocks if you live in a large city.
The fact is that in order to find a good woman and have a healthy relationship you cannot get stuck on the first woman you meet, your first girlfriend, and generally, your first long-term relationship. Why? Because in order to really know what you want in a healthy relationship you have to have life experience and you only get that by dating a variety of women.
Though I’ve personally been out on hundreds of dates, I’ve only had a handful of long-term relationships. And if I could do it all over again I would do it the same way. Why? Because each relationship taught me a lot about myself and about relationships. They taught me things that none of the books that I’ve read about relationships could have ever taught me because there are many subtle components to relationships and dating that you simply cannot learn by reading.
Take driving a car as an example. You might be able to read books or even watch videos on how to make a car drift when you’re making a fast turn. But the only way you’re really going to learn how to do it is by getting inside the car and doing it over and over again. This is a huge point that many of today’s relationship books tend to miss.
2. Failing To Look Inward:
The majority of single men that I’ve talked to had a strong tendency to blame women for their problems. “Women are just out for your money and don’t care about making me feel like a man,” exclaimed Jeremy, a 29 year old divorced Intern of Medicine who had really struggled getting back into the dating scene. What Jeremy didn’t realize was that his outlook that women were the problem, and not him, was a huge obstacle in getting into the right mindset of meeting women.
3. Learning The Skill Of Active Listening:
Most single men and women have horrible listening skills. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone for hours and you never wanted it to end? You’ll notice that one of the main components of that conversation was that both you and the other conversation partner were active listeners. You would pause to let the person talk and they would do the same for you. It makes conversation so much better.
4. Putting Women On A Pedestal:
Too often I see men say things such as “she is out of my league” or “she’s too pretty for me” or “she would never go out with me”; and, if they don’t say these things, they certainly think them. This is a clear example of a misguided belief system. No woman is better than you simply because of her looks or status in life. This is a myth that has been perpetuated by society for thousands of years. We’re in the 21st century now. If you put too much importance on a woman because of her beauty, then you’re robbing yourself of any personal power. You are also lowering your own social value in her eyes, which is not a good way to start.
5. Not Knowing When To Call It Quits:
I had dated this beautiful young woman named Laura in college. We both graduated and continued to date for 5 more years. During my courtship I had caught her cheating on me during the first year of dating her. She was sorry and I forgave her. Looking back now I should have never taken her back because cheaters very seldom change their ways (you have better chances at winning the lottery). But I stayed with her because I thought I loved her and thought she was being sincere. Finally, when I caught her cheating on me for the third time, I called it quits. During the time I was with her I had countless opportunities to date other women, but turned them down because I did not want to be unfaithful.
Recently, I had a date with a former dancer who had one of the best bodies I had ever seen. During our date she insisted on talking only about herself and not allowing me to get a word in edge wise. Since I no longer tolerate this kind of behaviour I knew when to call it quits. So I got up, excused myself to the bathroom, found the waiter, asked for the check, paid for the check, and then came back to the table and told my date it was time for me to leave (I usually meet my dates instead of picking them up for this very reason). I see men lose valuable years of their life dating the wrong women because they don’t know when or how to call it quits. Really, all you need to do is grow a pair, take action, and realize there are plenty of single women out there.
I think “jealousy” is the 2nd most useless human emotion (hate is the first) simply because it accomplishes nothing. Jealousy is an unhealthy form of insecurity that plagues many relationships today. If you can master not verbalizing or showing jealousy you will eventually conquer it. Learn to give women their space. You have to allow the other person enough space for them to grow. This holds true in both dating and relationships. You will never catch me asking someone I’m dating (or my girlfriend) where they’ve been, where they’re going, or who they’ve been hanging out with. It’s a waste of energy and all you are demonstrating is that you do not trust her, which actually increases her chances on cheating on you. So I no longer worry about what the other person is doing. If they cheat on me or plan on it, the truth will come out (there are dozens of clues on how to catch someone cheating, just look for any changes in behaviour). Rid yourself of jealousy by staying focused on your own long-term goals and realizing that the woman you are currently with is not the last woman on earth.
7. Failure To Execute:
Steven was a 22 year old college graduate who I met at a private house party this year. He had read nearly every single book on how to pick up women. He had been to seminars and had studied the likes of Mystery, Style, the Real Social Dynamics Crew, and of course, yours truly. But he had failed to find a healthy relationship. And the reason was simple: despite all his knowledge about pick up, dating, and relationships he had never sat down and mapped out a plan. Even worse, he was very inconsistent with his execution. He failed to take consistent and massive action which is the only thing that is really going to allow you to get enough dates and life experience to find that healthy relationship.